so… i really want to get f**ked up, alcohol-wise. i don’t even care about the fun or bragging rights, i just want to sit on a couch one night and drink literally as much as my body can take and i don’t really care about the consequences at this point. i’m a minor, though, and i know my mom would disapprove. and somehow this makes me… sad? like i long to ruin my body one night just to do it and it makes me sad that i know i can’t? i’m probably just going through a lot mentally and feel like that might be my only way to cope, but yeah. i’m sad because i know i probably won’t get absolutely f**ked up sometime in the near future. i don’t know, man.