My half brother was my lover for years

I was in a long-term sexual relationship with my half brother for many years. He was the result of my now deceased father having an illegitimate child when he was in his teens several years before I was born. I never knew he existed until he contacted me when I was 16. My father had a penchant for seriously messed up women like my mother. She abused me and I was basically living away from her by the time I was 14. I had other relatives that took care of me whom I love like my aunt and grandmother, but it was very, very rough and they still don’t know how bad the abuse actually was. My half-brother had a similar mother and he became emancipated at 15 after the courts took him away from her. He had a very high IQ and had a master’s degree in some very technical science by the time he was in his early 20s. He was hired by some defense contractor and made a lot of money. We corresponded by letters and we had a strong connection. I thought I was an only child until I knew about him and was happy I had a brother. He understood me and when he described things and feelings, it was like he put into words things I didn’t know how to describe. After I graduated from high school, I went to see him for the first time. I had wanted a brother to bond with. When he picked me up from the airport though, I found myself very sexually attracted to him, which I was NOT expecting. I was only supposed to spend a month there, but we ended up in bed with each other within a week. I moved in with him and enrolled at a private art school that was very expensive and he paid for all of it. He was NOT my Sugar Daddy or anything like that. He did things for me because he loved me. He once told me he wished he could marry me. We had a very intense relationship when we were together. But eventually, I felt like I was being constrained because we always had to hide our relationship. Still, he paid for everything, including getting my MFA in Studio Arts. But I finally left him because it was getting too painful to stay. I broke his heart and I was miserable being without him for a long time. I didn’t realize how emotionally dependent I was on him. It took me a long time to get over him and he may have been the love of my life. I haven’t spoken to him in over 20 years and have since been married and divorced and have two children. Nobody knows about us being lovers, even my aunt and now deceased grandmother never knew. I can’t tell anyone because they would be disgusted. Other’s would claim that he took advantage of me and that I was victimized by him. It was not a healthy relationship, but we were both hurting and looking for a connection and it ended up going places it shouldn’t. That’s all I’m going to say about it.

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