I wish I was Normal

I am in love with my cousin. We have always been close. After I moved out of state around 5 we would come back and visit family most summers. I have always been close with my family and these summers were the happiest times growing up. It was all normal until I was around 13 or 14 and she was 12/13. It started as just a minor crush, I didn’t even really recognize what was going on at first. Once I did I freaked out a little, but I figured that it was just a minor crush and that it would go away. So I ignored it and just enjoyed her company as a favorite family member like I always had. This went just fine until I graduated high school and moved back to my home town with my grandparents in order to go to college. Now we are within 10 minutes of each other. It was still fine at first and I continued ignoring my feelings like I always had. The fact that we were so close however meant that we had much more opportunity to get to know each other on a deeper level than we had been able to before when only seeing each other a few times a year. We are very a like and have become best friends over the last few years. I’m now 22 and she is 20. We understand eachother more than anyone else and I love her, and I don’t mean that in a wierd way. But on top of that I am now IN love with her as well. I hate myself for how I feel and I know that I am betraying her trust by keeping this to myself, but I am terrified. I can’t stand the idea of her hating me and if I told her it would devastate both of us. Sometimes I just want to tell her anyway even though I know that would only end in pain for everyone. The guilt is consuming me. I don’t know what to do….

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