Everyone I know, Doesn’t Know Me

I know writing this won’t make me feel better, venting never has. But I am exploding from within. I am scared of who I’ve been, who I am and who I might become. My life feels so out of my control, and I have made too many mistakes so far that I feel as though I don’t deserve to have a good life in the future.
I hate the world around me. I am so full of anger and its hard to hold it in. I am torn between kill everyone around me or killing myself.
When I was a kid I had hurt animals. Cats hated me the most. I even went as far as killing one of my kittens when I was 15. I am now 22 but I don’t hurt them anymore, I even have an overaffectionate cat whom is always asking me for pets. I would never hurt her, now a days, but I know my younger self might have. I am crueler to people now. I play with those around me. I torture my ex’s.
I secretly talk to a guy on tumblr who I broke the heart of. He doesnt know its me. We send each other memes.
Theres a guy I’ve used and abused for years, whom is still in love with me, and I still talk to him so I can get money out of him once in a while.
I am self destructive, and even more destructive to those around me.
My father died this year, I dont believe he was proud of me before he died. I haven’t amounted to anything. Hell, I dropped out of high school cause I got pregnant and never even bothered to get my ged yet. I don’t even see my daughter anymore. I hate her family but I know they’re only protecting her, from me.

I know I am better off dead. You don’t need to tell me that in the comments.

I guess thats it. There isn’t any god and when we die, we’re just dead. And Heavens just a fairytale to put us to bed.

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