Am I really hurting?

I never liked my mothers off-and-on boyfriend for as long as I (from 12 yo) could remember. She always chose terrible options and It made me feel as though she has low self esteem and could not go for better. Then again, she herself is a pretty terrible person at times … It’s weird to even say that too, but I know It’s true and I tried to deny it.

The boyfriend has groped me once by my chest when I was 17 and he was doing it as a “joke”. I always was creeped out by him and I felt … Wrong after that. So wrong. So wrong. So wrong. So wrong. So wrong and I want to rid of my skin sometimes just so I could forget about it and never think about it.

I’m scared of wearing blue shirts at home, even when I am home alone. Sometimes I just feel like he will come to my home and I will be wearing it and he will do it again.

I am 20 now. I told this once to my friends the same day It happened, but It never felt like a genuine confession.

Sometimes I don’t know whether I am still hurting or does It count as hurting, because I am just used to being overreactive or being seen as that and feel like my feelings are not valid to how I feel.

Writing this down makes It clear that I am hurting, but a part of me says that I will forget about it. It’s been three years and I still avoid wearing blue shirts If I am not home alone … Or just, get tense when I do …

I hate men who date women with kids but only want the woman. You need to realize that a child is supposed to prosper and grow and an off-and-on boyfriend is going to fuck up their perception of relationships to the fucking core.

I’ve been wronged by so many people relationships wise, and only just now I felt comfortable at some ideas of sex with my recent boyfriend. I feel safer only with him. I just know he would never hurt me like this.

One day, I will never see that disgusting flesh on meat of a man in my life. I hope my mom gets her shit together and moves on. Stop making him a part of your life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *