Shine

In the past 6-7 months I have said the words “I am not liking it”, “I screwed my life perfectly”, “this shouldn’t have happened”, “I will start my studies afresh from tomorrow” etc to myself at least a thousand of times. I had 14 months of time to accomplish a goal and now just 14 days are left, my progress level is zero.

I was going though many of the confessions written online and was trying to figure out which all confessions I might start relating to if I continue to screw my life. Most of the confessions were about boyfriend, breakup, girlfriend, fight etc….. I felt good cuz I new that I was never going to be a part of this mess. Later, I started to introspect my self and even the situation which might have paved the way down for me. And I realized it was HIM. Damn it! I got into this situation due to a man?! Like seriously!
I was 18, he was 28 I don’t see a problem. Things were good we were friends, he was someone I could seek experienced advices. My exams came I disconnected with everyone. My exams ended and I was back in the social life but after my comeback he never initiated a conversation and I didn’t try sending a “hi” because he might have got married by then….at least this is what I thought. And fuck, I lost a friend all of a sudden. I might not have been depression but just PTSD which I was going through and now it’s been 12 months since then and I am alive may be not kicking but alive af. So, this is the last memorandum of him. Or may be this is my part of the farewell.
Things are over and out, now it’s time to shine.

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