A letter to my younger self

Hi young lady I know you are confused right now on why the world looks so cold and brutal, I know you think dad hates us, I don’t know what he did or does to make you feel that way, but maybe you should forgive him coz he was battling his own demons and life can be a little bit tricky to the point we end up playing ourselves. I am sorry I can’t cuddle you and give you soft kisses on your forehead reminding you how pure hearted and good you are and that I love you, I’m sorry I’m not able to protect you from the nightmares at night and hug you tightly to keep you safe and warm, I’m sorry I don’t encourage you enough to pursue your scientific dreams and don’t tell you how awesome and beautiful you are,,, I’M SORRY i let you hate your self and body so much, that your boobs sagged, sorry that all you started fantasizing about was ways to die. the good news is that you will make it to 25, you’ll actually get a college degree, the bad news is you will have grown into a lost young adult who drinks a little bit too much and has one to many abortions and sleeps with men YOU cannot recall their name. I do wish you played more and were less conscious but that’s the thing, it was a gift and a curse and ended up being more of a curse. writing this letter to you I don’t know what message would have been useful but i think you should know self love and self care go a long way, don’t give up on yourself, never say die, fall down seven times stand up eight always. You’ll learn that despite the many heartbreaks life goes on, never stopping, like a river it flows continuously never ending to infinity, so like a phoenix arise from the ashes dust yourself, chin up, and keep moving through the sands of time to the end, use whatever opportunities at hand, keep smiling every single little thing will be alright, please also can you stop over thinking,,, it will give you ulcers and that will be a bitch but you will manage like you always do, like a miracle worker, you always manage, you always survive and end up looking drop dead gorgeous while doing it. all I can say is I don’t know if this message getting to you will change anything coz I almost feel like you will be tried and tested,, to the point of you losing your sanity but trust me when I tell you life is on your side and please don’t be mad at it. stay strong, keep smiling, bamboocha!!

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