Love kamikaze

I posted here on Aug 24 (“So, is he interested?).

Yes, he starts to appear interested. We’ve never kissed yet, but the hugging and touching affectionately looks promising. So does the fact that I have called him several times just to say I was bored, and he has jumped in the car and driven the 45 minutes to my house, just to hang around or take me to dinner or to drinks.
He played piano for me (he’s classically trained). We’re spending hours on the phone, or chatting.

BUT — for several reasons, I know we’ll never be a proper couple.
So I was thinking I should just simply tell him what I feel, next time.
He will probably say he doesn’t feel the same and he just likes me as a person.

I will die of a broken heart for a while, yes, but I need to KNOW. Pretending we’re friendy-friends is killing me.

I have never declared myself to a man. I am terrified. But I think sincerity is the grown-up choice here.

3 Replies to “Love kamikaze

  1. Wow, congratulations! For a man to drive 45 mins to your house just because you are bored, it seems to me that he is interested in you, a very good sign indeed. I don’t know what reasons that make you think that you two won’t be a proper couple, but I think you won’t know for sure unless you actually tried it. So stop being so negative and start looking at the bright side. Just be the real you and I am sure things will work out somehow. Good luck and I will pray for your happiness. Keep us posted. =)

    1. Well, I was a kamikaze indeed. One evening, as we came back from some lovely time out, I very simply told him what I was feeling.
      What a disaster!
      He kissed me, probably out of pity more than out of desire, but it felt half-hearted. He said it’s “probably too early”. Said he was sorry if he gave signs I might have misread, but that he really likes me deeply – as a person. RIGHT.

      We’re still hanging out or phoning nearly every night, “as very good friends”. I don’t know why I even bother, or why he does. I think I will stop very soon, because at first I was “happy” that he still talked to me after that disastrous evening, but now I am starting to feel resentful. How long did he expect to keep me on a slow boil? Months? What’s the point?

      1. I’m sorry to hear that things didn’t work out. *Hug*

        If the rejection makes you feel hurt and miserable when you are around him, maybe it is better for you to just stay away from him whenever possible. You can still be friend with him, but try not to be unhealthily latching on to him physically and mentally. During this early period, you maybe lonely and vulnerable but after enduring this for a couple of weeks, is time for you to build a fresh social life. Go out to meetup groups, start some hobbies, and begin recreate yourself into the person you want to be. Of course this is not easy but it is the path to your happiness.

        I wish you the best of health and happiness. Good luck, stay strong.

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