I think I’m in Love

I met this guy about a year ago and he’s the kinda guy that any girl would fall for. I mean he’s sweet and kind and just truly amazing. And there’s the bonus that he’s extremely good-looking. I’m 18 years old and up till now, every guy that I’ve ever had a crush on has turned out to be the biggest douche in the entire world. One of the guys that I had a crush on was a family friend and I had a crush on him from the day I met him. He never reciprocated so I kinda shoved those feelings away into a dark corner. When I was a freshmen in high school, he suddenly began to give me signs, but I never completely understood them until he kissed me by surprise. I didn’t know what to think of it, but we continued to unofficially dat for about 3 months. I thought he didn’t want to go official because he didn’t want our break up to affect the friendship between our two families… turns out he was just embarrassed to like me. And when I cut things off, his ego got hurt and he did what his little bitchy self could do best, he spread rumors about me. And for about 4 years I’ve numbed myself to feeling anything for anyone. I stopped wanting to believe in love. It didn’t exactly help that I had to run into the idiot that broke my heart at every party or pot luck and that he took every opportunity to pick at my healing wounds. It got worse and worse over the years, and just when I’m about to fall into this pit of depression… this guy walks into my life. And I just can’t believe that someone so good looking and sweet and kind could ever exist. But I don’t know what I feel. Every time he’s around, my heart starts to flutter and my palms get sweaty and I can’t even get a word out. I tell myself that I could never be good enough for him, but something inside of me won’t stop believing. I don’t want to get hurt again. I don’t think that I can handle another heart break. I mean… he talks to me.. sometimes… I can’t seem to understand what he thinks or what he feels. And I don’t want to express myself until he does, because I know that I would just be asking to have my heart broken again. I don’t know what to do….

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