he was my enemy, he was my crush

I met him few days ago. The way I met him was almost exactly the same as the way I first met him – just a different place and relationship. When I first met him, I had a meeting – it was a meeting for class monitors and assistant class monitors. He was carrying a box and entered a small room inside the meeting room. I was a new student during that time so I didn’t know him – obviously, he doesn’t know me too. We were strangers. Few days ago – which was 5 years since I first met him, the same thing happened. I was waiting for a qualification test for admission to the college in the library. (yes, I finished high school) I saw a figure that I will forever recognize, it felt like I was having a flashback. He wasn’t carrying a box this time but a pile of books and entered a small room in the library. I stared at him and waited for him to notice me. For a second, I was upset when he closed the door until he opened the door back and looked at me. He can barely recognize me because I used to have a very long hair but I cut it real short. I waved at him so he’s sure that it was me and I smiled. Looking very excited he was, his jaw dropped and I can see that he was saying my name. He waved back. I walked towards him and he said “Your short hair looks amazing”. Okay, let’s stop right there. Now, you must have been wondering how I met him there or what is our relationship now. He’s my senior, 4 years older than I am – is that bad or is it normal to you? He entered a college after he finished high school. Well, by coincidence, I got an offer from the college where he studies, to sit for a qualification test. For years since he left high school, I’ve been praying every day to meet him and yes, my prayer is answered. Our relationship? I can’t tell you what he thinks of me – perhaps a junior, a friend or a sister. What I think of him? Someone special who plays thousand roles in my life. He is my friend, he is my senior, he treats me like he is my brother – I don’t have siblings anyway. I can’t elaborate more on that but shortly, he was my enemy, he was my crush. Why? We didn’t have a good start. He was my bully, he made fun about me a lot and he embarrassed me in public in the worst way possible. How fool I was to have a crush on him? Not to mention the fact that he’s also taken. As days passed by, it was finally his last day on school. He called my name but I ignored because I thought that it was him making fun of my name again. He ran towards me and I was panicking as I didn’t know what he wanted from me. He began with reaching out his hand. I was confused. Then, he apologized and that was where I started to see the goodness in him. He’s not as evil as I thought. Since that day, we text each other. Not daily because both of us are busy but that is more than enough to me. He visited our school once and we took a picture together although I moved on. Why did I choose to move on all of a sudden? I finally manage to convince myself that someone else holds a place in his heart. I finally accept that despite a lot of skills I have mastered, he will always be the only goal that I can never achieve. At least, it makes me happy enough to know that I am a part of his life even though I know that I am the tiniest part of his life and he is a huge part of my life. We have to teach ourselves to accept everything and move on. Perhaps things just work the same way as when we look at the reflection of the stars at the river, we can only touch the reflection but we can’t touch the stars.

4 Replies to “he was my enemy, he was my crush

  1. aww, who knows how it could be one day, right? it could be more than a coincidence to be in the same college 😉

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