Why just why?!

I’m tired of feeling like I’m letting everyone down. I thought that my life was finally picking up. That I was getting my old self back. Everything was going for me. I had great friends, I was never stressed about schoolwork, I loved school, and I was happy again. The one moment I trust my friends enough to express an opinion, a worry that I had been carrying inside me for months, it gets spread. Everything I knew comes tumbling. The person who I thought would be there for me through everything is no longer there. It was like they could just toss me away like I didn’t matter and make me out to be a big bad person. Through the whole thing, I learned that they weren’t always there for me like how my eyes perceived them to be. They stabbed me, they hurt me, they told me lies, and they turned my life into a living nightmare. I despise going to school now. Every time I see them, it rips me to shreds. Memories of the greatest moments of my childhood come flooding back and fill my mind. So much that it’s hard for me to stop crying and panicking every time the thought enters my mind. I long for those days when times were simpler and so much more naive to everything around us. Why must drama exist? I thought all of my life I had done so well to avoid it and keep my image clean? All I have ever wanted to do was to have love and compassion for everyone. I want to be known as that sweet smart kind girl who you can depend on and lean on for support. I guess that has worked but now that it is me hurting, no one is to be found. I can’t trust anyone. My friends are gone. I have no one. I just want that one best friend to goof off with, to share my stories and to listen to theirs, to hang out with, to call best friend. I hope I find that person, no matter who or what they are. I just want those memories to be real again.

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