Life’s been too harsh at times you want to win and go ahead

Hello,
From a very long time, I have had problems with my body being weak enough and not up fast and moving like others. I have tried to bulk from years but my body just pushed a little up from being thin and looking just decent enough but still, I feel bad that my body is weak and whenever in mornings I get up and find my body as a burden to get up. My body weakening I relate to the masturbation habit I had from my 7th grade which I feel about, I used to do it once every day and mostly 4-5 times a week. But now I have had some control over it even though not fully in control, I feel at times there’s no way to get out of my physical inability to be fitter and am sad on some occasions due to this bothering my mind, and a f*cking feeling that there’s no way out of it. I desperately want to get a fitter self and a more controlled sexual activity going on

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