I’m insecure

I’m a black girl from Nigeria, that’s already hard enough. Many times I wish I were white, skinnier had wider hips like my sister, clear skin like some of the girls in my school, I have a boyfriend, he isnt abusive or anything, hes nufe but sometimes I get scared he’ll find someone else and I don’t think anyone will ever care for me, I have 4 siblings and my dad earns enough to have the little extra, but I want to go to some schools in the US and he cant afford that. I’m grateful for all I have, and i know some people have less so I dont complain. When I look in the mirror when I shower or take off my clothes I want to cry, but I dont want anyone to see. I try to lose weight and all but it’s always kind if slow and I get frustrated. My mum always seems to be upset at me and sometimes I want to cry but if she sees she’ll beat me and get more angry. And some people in school make fun of the my head shape and my hair is short which is also something that makes me sad so there really isn’t a way to hide it. I have to stop now because I’m about to cry and my mum is coming

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