I wish I were an orphan

I am a person who despite being successful is a big failure. All my life I tried, but could never connect with my parents.
I never saw cartoon, heck I wasn’t even allowed to watch TV. I used to get only 2hrs to play till 8th Standard, I was never allowed to go out with my friends ( Maybe Once or Twice, after lot of begging crying, or on Future promises of doing chores or not going out again), but then probably that is how children should be treated so that they don’t go out of hand… or this is what i used to tell myself when i used to feel sad. All my life till 10th all I knew was, my parents beating and my yellow table where I used to study. To make matters worse, everyone in the society knew that I used to get a lot of scoldings and all the children of my age and even the smaller ones used to make fun of me.
Consider this as a sad confession of my life, I am writing this at a stage where I have become 24 years Old, own 3 successful Businesses, never took any money from anyone after my 1st year in Engineering, Not even College fees, No Pocket Money, No Rent money, Nada.
Examples of my parents beating….
Once a pen had punctured my eye, I couldn’t see from my right eye for a month. My mother threw that towards me.
I was once hit so hard, that I was Unconscious for few minutes. Credits to dad, he had hit my right ear.
Remember those, old windows which had those rods with holes in them, that rod had pierced my back, the mark is still there.
I was once left in My underwear’s outside the house, my neighboring girl and the girl I had a crush on, Both saw me. For a child that’s a big thing. Its still vivid in my mind, I get chills while writing about this.
I discovered I am stronger than nakli MRF bat, and after few years the asli one too, cause they broke but I didn’t.
Apparently I am hotter than garam khunti. You know what I mean.
All in all I was a scared child.
(Reference to context: My mother was a teacher in the same school in which i was studying, so that also meant anything I did, the teachers directly reported to my mom, and that meant I being scolded every time for the smallest mistakes)
Not that I didn’t have my moments, I scored Cent Percent In 10th, photo in newspaper and all. I was the ideal child in my society. All mothers used to give my examples…Yet, I knew my bargain, what I was giving to get such small moments of Happiness.
My 11th 12th I was given some freedom but I misused it to play video games. I seeked my happiness in winning these virtual games, that also meant I bunked IIT tuition’s to do these, and I am not blaming anyone for that, I take full responsibility, I eventually got caught as my sir called my mom and she came directly to the gaming parlour. and offcourse I got what I deserved including but not limited to sharing this story that their nikamma good for nothing son was playing vedio games, so if he doesn’t get into IIT’s, its because he was wasting his time on stupid ps3. This was one more problem, why was every humiliating story of mine shared with everyone around me, right from me masturbating in my room story, to my love letter that I had received story , was shared with everyone, my friends my neighbors, my relatives, fckin everyone…
Off course I got Ok Ok marks in Jee – mains, got into a mediocre college, and the cycle continued. At least now they couldn’t physically reach me, and I could do whatever I want, the only thing they could threaten me with was not sending me money to pay for rent food college, I started earning on my own only, I didn’t take even a cent of money from my parents after my first 6 months, but I still used to get scoldings, I eventually started lying and got very good at it.
I completed my engineering in 5 years and then reality hit me hard, that I have nothing to show for the last 5 years, this just emboldened my parents that they always did the right thing.( This business thing they were not fully aware until then).
I eventually did tell them though after lot of pressure from my friends and my gf, I told my parents about one of my ventures, which I was forced to close immediately or I was given ultimatum that I would be thrown out of the house. I disagreed, but I was actually so angry that I myself left the house Early morning saying that this couldn’t go on, and I have the right to take my own decisions, I thought they would buckle under the pressure of me leaving the house, unfortunately they didn’t, I stayed outside for the entire day in Delhi cold, with nothing to eat, one half shirt and full pant, shuttling between terrace and park and road to avoid detection from someone in society. Unfortunately I didn’t have my phone or purse or keys to live on my own, or else I guess I would have done that, but having no options I had to return home, Initially I was not allowed inside. I remember her saying Akkad theek jagah aa gayi, or something like that, but around 12 my father finally opened.
I knew that something like that would happen, that’s why I had warned my friends who were forcing me to tell about my life to my parents,but after this incident they never questioned me.( My friends actually stayed in Pune, and the one in Delhi, she said that I could have walked to her place which was like 20 kms far, she went on to say that, ‘she thought so that even her parents would have adopted me, and that even she would have fought for me’, but off course I wouldn’t do anything like that, I mean like being a burden and all on her.I think she really meant what she was saying but she probably was saying that because she has a pure heart but I wouldn’t really do that to anyone.
Now, I did transfer my business to my roommates, but according to my father that business is closed.
Story Now is that I am big failure, I am about to do Mba now, B*** P*****,P***** campus. I still cannot go out with my friends, I have almost no social circle,whatever I have, I have on whats app, my Gf hates my parents she already has said that she hopes that they don’t live with us,when we get married, she knows more about them, since she sees how I deal with them day in day out. I sleep by 11 and I have to get up by 6 to tend to tea, newspaper, Nashta stuff like that. My parents don’t think that one should ever go to clubs or parties. I did tell them once that I feel ghutan inside me, after that Delhi friend forced me 2, but i was shushed amicably, and my crying that day is being made mockery of in front of neighbours and maids. I am told that I play victim card, but I believe that I am really a victim, and now other issues have come up, everyday she thinks that because of the relationship we have I might not take care of her when she gets old, which I offcourse will take care. She wants my wife to be able to take care of her. My relatives now don’t keep in touch with my family, although all of them are in touch with me, especially my siblings. My relatives do talk with dad though sometimes.
My mom is not that bad, she is very much liked by all her students even when she was in Nagpur, even here in Delhi, so much so that parents come home to tell my mother she has changed their wards life, and what not. It’s just that I am not handled properly. This is my biggest failure, of not being able to connect with her, I have tried telling her, but she is like way too unstable to understand anything at this age, and if I say anything, she would threaten to not eat or not talk or break things. Did I tell you she broke my 2 phones, one laptop and her own TV. you read it right, Laptop 2 pieces, remote inside the screen of the tv, Walkman phone 2 pieces,Ya. Very high tempered.
I never got a gift that I wanted, I am saying that again,”THE GIFT THAT I WANTED”, I was given cycle, on B’day since every parent gives but not the one I wanted. I was actually given a Ipod one B’day, which I didn’t want because it was Ipod shuffle 2Gb No screen. I wanted a screen one even if its not apple, a Chinese company one would also do, but I later learned that she had got that as a gift from a parent in school, so she gave it to me. I mean not a bad option, but ya. other than that nothing at all, I actually stopped asking for anything after 10th. I really have financed my own things after that, swear on the holy book, it seems unrealistic but Ya.
I am not saying that I had the worst childhood, there are many orphans who didn’t even have parents to tell all this, but I really wish I were a orphan.
Thanks for reading this, you are making my day to have read this.

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