I wish I had been born as a cis woman

There’s nothing that I would ever want in my life more than that.

I sometimes don’t even know who I am anymore. I know I’m a woman inside, there’s nothing more than I could ever wish in my life than being born as a woman. And I wasn’t.

I’ve transitioned, and it definitely changed my life. I got miles and miles closer to “happiness”, I finally felt like I wasn’t living a lie anymore, I felt like I could be more open, I could finally try to be myself in this world.

But there’s still this ghost haunting me everytime. Everytime I see a girl on the streets, on the bus, I remember that I wasn’t born one, I keep feeling like I worth less than anyone who is cis. I hate myself, I often want my life to just end, but at the same time, I want to live.
I want to accomplish things in life, I want to be happy. But everytime I remember that life didn’t gave me that chance. I’m forever bound to be inside this body I don’t belong, with this voice that doesn’t sound like myself.

I just want to be happy. I just wish I could be myself fully, I just wish I had the option to choose.

Every single day I cry whenever I hear a girl’s voice, I think that it could’ve been my voice as well. Whenever I see a girl, I think that I could’ve been one as well.

I don’t know what to do anymore, other than just putting everything I’m thinking out on a random website because I’ll truly hurt the people around me if I say everything I think about myself.

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