Hey Mr. blues

So I’m currently 15 years old and depressed since kindergarten. Which was my first suicide attempt. I was 5 that time. So this is what happened, me and my mom were holding each others hands while crossing the street and cars were chasing each other and it feels like they’re almost clashing together .At that moment I let go of my mother’s hand and I ran to the busy road on my own and in a split second. I was staring at fast moving vehichels that almost killed me. My mother wittinessed it and she almost screamed fearing that she will never see me again. After the vehicles give way for us to walk in the street I looked at my mom’s reaction on what happened a while ago. She looked pissed off about me but she never dared to punish me. My depression grew because of bullying ,heart aches and shame. My shameful moments so far is mostly in middle school. I recieved many rejections from friends and finding a bestfriend is hard.I remember that I was going my way home. I waited for a loose jeepney so that I could ride. 30 minutes pass by finally there’s a loose jeepney but unluckily one aunty and her child raced after the jeepney first. While they were inside I on the otherhand stopped at the same jeepney hoping for a loose sit .I waited until an uncle gives up his seat to me.Then suddenly I overheard the voice of the aunty that raced the jeepney for a sit a while ago she murmured “Why would that old man(senior citizen) give up his sit to her ugh she should be ashamed and she also wasted my time.And simultaneously in the jeepney everyone looked at me and they were gossiping about me. Yep they were rude, at that moment I feel that I couldnt catch my breathe I tried to control it. So as I stepped down from the jeepney I ran towards my home and at the front gate I saw my granny greeting me but I wear a fake smile and I made up a story that I need to go to the bathroom so that she couldnt see my tears. I cried silently but heavily.As years go by I made strategies which keeps getting better as I grow older. Instead of talking to heartless people I start talking to leaves or objects to not hurt my feelings for alternative but I never knew that somebody would react and call me stupid and crazy I fucking over heard it from a stranger while I buy some groceries simultaneously talking to a food. Everybody think I take it as a joke but Im actually serious because nobody understands me. Theres so much more I can tell but this is quiet enough.

One Reply to “Hey Mr. blues”

  1. I’m so sorry to hear that you are suffering from your past and other’s people opinions and judgements. Do you have 5 mins to spare? This youtube video titled “Don’t Allow Your Life To Be Controlled By These 5 Things” maybe able to help you. I hope you watch it because it works on me. https://youtu.be/nQ7XCalQfx0

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