i have a weird attraction to my same sex friend

Ok how do i start.the only reason i’m writing this here is because i’d never say this to anyone in real life,and i feel like i really need to get it out of my system.it’s not that people around me are homophobic,it’s quiet the opposite,but i was always taken as the token straight friend.i still think i am straight.but recently i’ve been having these thoughts and i just don’t know what they mean.without giving out too much,i’m pretty close with my bestfriend,who is also a female.there was a time when someone in our friend group liked her and i joked with her wondering what was so charming about her.when we found out about other people liking each other we wondered what it was that made them knew it was same sex attraction or just a lot of admiration.but i feel like after having those conversations in depth with her,i started having some intrusive thoughts.she knows i have had a sexual dream about her,we laughed that off too.but why do i feel weird things??i dont get it!!i dont even find her physicaly attractive!!i think the lack of males is really getting to me.like the one time she gave me a massage and it felt good…in that way.i didnt even want it to.it just happened and i couldnt stop my body from reeacting that way.or one time when she danced and watching her gave me very weird feelings.wtf is this im 18 i never asked for this im so mad.anyway i’m never telling this to anyone because its just ridiculous,especially how i started getting these thoughts right after how we had a deep conversation about how we are not gay.

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